As posted on LinkedIn
Yesterday, I spotted a post on LinkedIn about RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria). Today I received a calendar invite from someone that highlighted the issue and how I deal with it.
I had been chatting to someone for yonks on LinkedIn, commenting on their posts, realising that they were commenting on mine and even eventually we exchanged direct messages. It was a gradual thing, but when the end of year LinkedIn summary came out, I wasn’t surprised to find out that I was Stalker of the Year/#1 Fan 😅
Eventually I sent them a message literally saying “[Let’s] Book in an intro call, just for your amusement”. I then followed it up with “Sod the intro call. Book in a random chinwag/chat as and when…” (because sometimes the first phrase that comes out, isn’t what I mean; what I meant was the 2nd email).
Anyway, I sent the message in the middle of last month and immediately thought “shit, shouldn’t have sent that! will sound creepy“. And I didn’t hear anything within a few minutes, so my body produced angst, pain and regret. Nice, eh?
And then I told myself “you have felt these feelings before, they will calm down after two days”. Followed by “Remember the mantra – what’s the worst that will happen?”
Answer: Someone will think you’re odd. And is this based on any evidence anyway?
So I had a discussion with myself and calmed down. The brain often produces false messages. I didn’t realise until listening to yesterday’s podcast this particularly affects ADHDers. It’s part of a process, where the weight of the message isn’t allocated, and it’s also based on previous (bad) experiences without necessarily taking new evidence into account. Messages receive the same importance without being appropriately evaluated.
I’ve now trained myself to check such bonkers internal messages and deal with them appropriately. The pain and angst aren’t gone but they are diminished; I often know they are coming and how to acknowledge and deal with them, and am much happier for it. Practice. That’s how I could send out the message in the first place. I do tend to ask myself “what’s realistically the worst that can happen?“.
And three weeks later, an invite from that person arrived in my inbox, so the message has been received and it wasn’t misunderstood. And even more usefully, the person agreed that they wanted to spend a little bit of time with me 😍🥳
And on a completely unrelated note, look forward to chatting with you soon Matt Pieper 😂😁 (and thank you to all the other people I have connected with on LinkedIn over the years!)
p.s. Want to hear from the person that discovered RSD? Check out this fascinating podcast below!
I write about neurodivergency matters, with a dash of inclusivity and tech. Subscribe directly to avoid missing out; you can have a nose through my back catalogue. Want even more? You can also follow me on Bluesky and/or LinkedIn.