Today’s challenge. Sit down for (only) two hours to write this diary update about where I am and what I’m noticing. My diary is a little tightly packed currently so this is made possible by a friend rearranging our day out together at the last moment. There are always pros and cons with everything!!
Apologies in advance for any typos and incoherences, but I thought it better to share something, however imperfectly, than nothing at all. You’ll see this theme repeats itself in my first update.
I’ll cover
- Holidaying with RSD
- Conference talks (Edinburgh, Prague and London)
- Coaching update
- Other activities I am involved with
Holidays
I love Glasgow, but you don’t move here for the weather or the quality of the infrastructure. With that in mind, winter is a far better time to travel abroad than the summer so here’s a little account of a recent trip, particularly considering how RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria) and perfectionism impacts all aspects. RSD is the condition where individuals experience intense emotional pain in response to perceived rejection or criticism, and it’s surprisingly common in ADHDers.
Holidays are tricky.I used to travel with my ex who would love planning. It would excite him all year round. Taking ideas, reading travelogues, investigating logistics and finding bargain deals. They are also good for the mind, body and soul. I get it, but for me, every component is a risk of overwhelm. When do you stop researching? How do you know when you have the cheapest deal, especially if your budget is tight? (perfectism)Aren’t people going to look at me oddly, travelling and eating by myself? (RSD)
I’m not going to lie, I don’t know how I managed to do it, but I booked up a last minute holiday to Alicante for £235.84 for 4 nights, including flights!
I guess I started by narrowing down the number of options:
- Set the number of days, which in turn was set by my own availability
- A direct flight from a local airport to avoid complexity and time with connecting flights
- Within my desired budget
That narrowed the list considerably. I then realised that I had a choice between a beach holiday or a city holiday and when considering those options, the choice – for me – was clear. I’m a city break person, and I happen to love Spain, so in the end it was all quite easy even if the practicalities lookeddaunting at first. Often doing things is a lot easier than thinking about doing things.
It also helped that I had a time-limited opportunity to do this – great for triggering urgency, a useful trick for many ADHDers – in that my diary is typically quite busy, so I knew I had an evening to research and get it booked! I should have predicted that I would go to bed rather later than planned that evening, but I least I did it and got it out of the way. Once paid for, there’s only so much value in spending time thinking about the “what ifs?”
So how does the RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria) come into play?Well, I was wondering what others might think of me. Whether the computer might be offended by me not choosing other offerings. These were easy to deal with once I started asking questions such as “What is the answer to this? Oh, my friends will be happy for me” and, for the latter, “What practical choices do I have?” and “Am I being reasonable?” (especially as it’s the algorithm’s job to try and sell things to me)
Then the perfectionism kicked in! Would I be making the “best” use of my time, and how would I judge myself afterwards? I reminded myself that it is better to do 10% of something, than nothing at all. If all I got to do was to get to Alicante and survive the public transport, that would be enough. I would still have achieved leaving Glasgow and getting some warmth and, hopefully, sun.
If all I got to do was to get to Alicante and survive the public transport, that would be enough. I would still have achieved leaving Glasgow and getting some warmth and, hopefully, sun.
Of course I did so much more. I went to a castle, stumbled across a brass band festival (genuinely one of my favourite things; I love brass), ate amazing fresh food and got to chat to a few locals and even went to a gay bar for a little boogie. Regrets? None! And definitely rather better than this mythical and impossible-to-judge 10% “of an experience” that I had originally predicted.
Ok. Regrets. Being honest, I was definitely upsold some nougat at the end of a pay-what-you-think walking tour and that was €10 down the drain. But, apart from that, all good! Although I was still happy to get back to Glasgow of course.
Writing this, it caused me to think about the (emotional) experience of perfectionism and RSD,both hugely common in ADHDers. What I noticed is that, for me, I feel they have the same roots. The former is about standards we hold ourselves to, the latter about relationships and interactions, but both are about being “good enough”. So where does that message we are telling ourselves – that we are not good enough – come from? I’ll leave you with that thought, although coaching is definitely one method you can use to look into it 😉 Really happy to hear your views though, perhaps in the comments below?
There’s actually a whole lot more to be said about RSD, such as 99% of ADHDers have it – more to come during the year on this, such as at London’s Calling, if only you knew when that was and how to get tickets…
Conference talks
Last year’s London’s Calling session. Will need a new shirt this year, to tell the photos apart!
May and June appear to be my busy season which is why I haven’t put out a newsletter recently – I’ve been beavering away consolidating thoughts about new content that I’ll be presenting. With a dash of luck, you can see me at three conferences over the summer, as I’m always happy to expand people’s awareness of all matters neurodivergency:
RIPE 92, Edinburgh(19th May)
This is a conference for the people that literally run the backbone of the internet. Here I am likely to be speaking with Rob Lister about two different topics. RSD and reasonable adjustments and accommodations in the workplace. This talk track is not guaranteed.
You can watch Rob’s wonderful, and highly engaging, talk about his ADHD discovery here, which starts with the fact that only 30-50% of people have an internal monologue and continues with interesting factoids from thereon in. Highly recommended.
Czech Dreamin 2026(29th May)
Roger Farrow and I will be bringing our introductory talk about all things ADHD, Autism and Giftedness in the workplace to the Czech Salesforce crowd, with a Ukrainian spin, and we couldn’t be more pleased. We’ve just done our run through with some of the organising team and that seemed to go well.
It’s no secret that this is my favourite Salesforce conference and there’s even an opportunity afterwards for an amazing (subsidised) weekend afterwards with a smaller crowd – around 30 people – exploring Czechia, and getting to know each other better. The full schedule is already available and I can’t call out any individual speakers or I would get myself in trouble.
London’s Calling 2026(5th June)
We’re back, and it’s the third time! Again, I’ll be appearing with my sparing partner Roger and we’ve got all new content on Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (different from my story here), disclosure in the workplace and what drives neurodivergent people – and how this differs from many neurotypicals.
Arrive early, as on both previous occasions people couldn’t get into the room. Without doubt food for thought will be provided as we feel that neurodivergency awareness is much improved recently, so we are moving “beyond the mask”.
For all these conferences, I’m really grateful for the trust the organisers and volunteering teams have placed in me (and Roger), for letting us speak about these tech-adjacent topics.
Coaching update
I’m absolutely loving it. It remains a privilege. There’s often shocks, as clients reveal – to themselves – things that they didn’t realise, but another aspect is being able to reflect with the clients the progress that they have made. In terms of defeating my RSD overprotection bogey-monster, no one is saying it is a waste of time, whether they are paying out of their own pocket or whether their employer cover the costs. All they are taking time out of their busy schedules.
Suffice to say that things are on track and I’m now considering my training for next year. So far I’ve completed 200 hours worth of client sessions with 16 clients. This means that I can start climbing the recognised experience ladder, moving beyond “Accredited” stage. Next year the intention is to go on an International Coaching Federation Professionally Certificated Coach-level approved course.
The ACC standard shows that I can be a good coach, but PCC shows “ability to work effectively with more complexity, including greater nuance in partnering with the client, evoking awareness, and supporting sustained learning and forward action.” so I’m all for that, although one of the additional requirements is to have worked with at least 25 clients, which is why I’m very keen currently to expand my coaching even for one-off sessions. Book your free intro call here – you can have a taster and see if it is for you.
Other activities I am involved with
Although a finalist in the for Outstanding Achiever of the Year category, I didn’t win the Neurdiverse Business Awardslast month, which is more than fair enough, but I did blog about the evening and the wonderful people I met. You can have a read here.
Last month, I also helped with getting the National Rail Disabled Persons Railcardupdated so that it is outcomes-based – it is no longer restricted to a particular list of conditions, but more outcomes-focused. Can’t drive? Then get a discount to balance out some of the unwanted costs that the lack of flexibility in choice presents. I continue to advertise this significant change wherever possible, so I was particularly pleased to be able to shoehorn in a reference to this and my local community-building project (the West End Project) in this Jewish Chronicle article simultaneously. Two for the price of one!
This week, I am helping host a meeting by the Scottish ADHD Coalition, bringing together stakeholder organisationsto see what progress can actually be made to support ADHDers, despite the funding and capacity challenges within the Scottish system. One aim is to draw up a list of “what can I [the organisation] offer” verses “what do I [the organisation] need”, and see if this moves us forward, as the existing strategies – with a look into our soul of souls – haven’t produced much meaningful systemic progress in 20+ years.
Fancy supporting my work? Click “like”on LinkedIn – that’s free and helps spread ADHD awareness – or book in a coaching intro call! You some insights into coaching and how it relates to personal development, and I might get a new client. To me, that’s a win win 🥳 (and also, I really like coaching intro calls)
Update: 2 hours! Now to do the uploading and find some photos… Curious how deadlines help 😅 And of course I spent the next day revising it slightly, from time to time. But still, the deadline helped.
I write about neurodivergency matters, with a dash of inclusivity and tech. Subscribe directly to avoid missing out; you can also have a nose through my back catalogue. Want even more? You can follow me on Bluesky and/or LinkedIn.