I’ve got a smorgasbord of updates this month, but there appears to be a running theme: frustrating news and seeing the hidden positives!
Items include:
- Client insights: a coaching timeline
- Scottish Parliament: LDAN Bill cancellation and generally-applicable lessons learned (so far!)
- Dysregulation: a personal story
- Coaching update: capacity, sleepiness and availability
Client insights: a coaching timeline
When I have my intro calls with clients, I say that coaching takes around nine months, but it is highly variable. Let’s dive into this!
I present this as a typical client, but every one is unique, not least because of our different preferences, values, life experience, workplace environment, home life, genetic inheritance, and sense of humour!
The first 3 months
Three months is a useful placeholder because people come to me with the expectation that a “complete package” can be delivered in that time. I’m guessing that some of this might be down to a UK government-funded scheme called Access to Work which typically pays for around 3 month’s worth of weekly coaching. This is best thought of as a “sticking plaster” solution. It covers the cost of introducing the topic, a taster.
Typically, clients come to me with aspirations such as improving time management or being “efficient”, that they wish to address within this time period.
Often what actually happens is that they are knocked sideways by real life day-time issues, such as constantly changing demands at work and navigating workload and interpersonal issues. So the first few sessions are often – but not always – about learning certain fire-fighting skills.
After 3 months
Eventually a number of the most urgent problems (those fires) are put out and we then return to aspirational goals. Sometimes they aren’t personal, they are priorities from other people (e.g. they are workplace or home life).
We often touch upon deeper truths and hidden internal conflicts, which take time to work through, appreciate, understand and resolve.
After a year
For my current clients, the theme I’m currently noting is about identity. I don’t know whether it is the coaching space, or whether there are other environmental causes: what baggage has society bestowed upon us, whether consciously or unconsciously?
I’m seeing issues around gender and race come to the fore. Unwanted gifts such as society’s expectations: so common that we think of them as our own, when they are other people’s. What were the causes? More to the point, what do clients want to do with the knowledge they now have, going forward?
Observation
I’m seeing this as layers to unpack. You need to deal with the noisy elements (or perhaps surface manifestations), to be able to listen to what’s going on underneath.
The frustrating news: extended coaching can be required because there can be lots of issues to unpack, some obvious, much not so obvious.
The silver lining: putting in the effort creates results that will last a lifetime.
Scottish Parliament: LDAN Bill cancellation and generally-applicable lessons learned (so far!)
Here in Scotland the Scottish Parliament cancelled their long planned Learning Disabilities, Autism and Neurodivergence Bill (“LDAN”). The Bill aimed to reorganise and improve support for neurodivergent conditions. For context, you can see how long the bill was in the works by the fact that “autism” was listed separately when, these days, it is well understood to be part of the neurodivergence family.
No alternative realistic strategy was articulated with the cancellation announcement.
This was deeply frustrating for any number of reasons. ADHD support here in Scotland significantly lags behind England, itself not exactly shining lights of forward thinking – “sticking plaster” is the phrase that comes to mind, especially in comparison to other countries such as the Netherlands and Canada.
Presumption
I have to admit, reading the Bill gave me a headache because in the report surrounding it, I couldn’t work out how it could be implemented. Now I know that I wasn’t the only one. I don’t think it was just cost, because no number was ever presented, nor was this mentioned in the cancellation announcement.
It got me thinking. I presumed that brighter brains than me would understand it. Perhaps not? Perhaps we are all human and that this had followed – as with many infrastructure projects – a conveyor belt of delivery until it wasn’t recognisable in terms of what it would achieve.
Despite all the evidence in the reports leading to the bill, it also appears that we hadn’t made the case about the need for change. Apparently the skeptics need even more convincing. If you’re from an IT/project background, you may recognise this challenge – convincing others – from some of the work you do.
It’s very frustrating, but not a reason to stop. I am now even more prepared to speak out.
Problem Solving
Regardless, let’s take the classic ADHD technique of creating change in the smallest, manageable unit: Improve correspondence with patients, manage their expectations, communicate with them about what’s practical, share what works, encourage people to work together rather than wait for a legislative sledgehammer.
Build up the evidence base for change and present it as a test scenario, rather than something permanent, because that is less scary and allows far more scope for iteration and improvement.
So, the silver lining here is that it has given me, and my colleagues at the Scottish ADHD Coalition, the focus to think of practical ways forward, rather than grand projects that might not come to fruition.
Dysregulation: a personal story
Finally, to finish on a fun and very personal story!
Living in Glasgow, there’s surprisingly few gay (or men for men; not wanting to exclude the bi’s and others) spaces. As a minority, sometimes you just want to be with your own tribe.
So I went to a social in Manchester last month. By myself. I haven’t done that since being 18 years old!
I had such a wonderful time. I had read the runes/website correctly and it was a very neurodivergent-friendly space. Being able to stand on my own two feet, make conversation, be in a place where I could feel unmasked, knowing what I know now about myself and others, having fun conversations. It was wonderful, and a very different experience from when I was an unhappy teenager.
Then came afterwards. I hadn’t realised how happy I was at the social. The body has a way of rebalancing. For three days I felt as low as anything. But thankfully I knew what was going on. Dysregulation. From that initial sharp uplift, the body was then trying to process… and handling it badly.
The people that I met hated me! Indeed, that’s why some had volunteered their phone numbers.
The world is going to end! No, it’s an absence/withdrawal of fun.
I am never going to feel that happy ever again!! Or I could just book some tickets for the next time the social was back on.
And after three days, a bit like a sea calming down, my brain gradually returned to normal.
That silver lining: was it worth it? On this occasion, totally! It showed how far I had come since my angst-ridden teenage years, including recognising the emotional dysregulation for what it was, and activating practical strategies to soften it. And next time, perhaps I’ll leave some post-it reminders for me at home, to remind myself that this was a choice.
Coaching update: capacity, sleepiness and availability
It turns out that if the majority of your clients don’t have children, then September is a good month for taking annual leave, not August. Ooops!
Lesson learned for next year. At least when I realised that September would have some one-off spare capacity, it gave me the opportunity to bring forward something I have wanted to do for a while, and go back to trying to further improve my sleep quality. This is better than it used to be, but quite a long way from good. It gives me the opportunity to try some new drugs, with the knowledge that if my sleep is impacted, then I have recovery time available.
It also shows that there is just about always a silver lining if you have the patience to look for it. If you are struggling with this skill, perhaps some coaching will help, making something aspirational rather more concrete!
And in other capacity news, from October onwards, I have two available slots. Not more, not less. Happy to have a free, no obligation, intro call if you want to investigate how coaching can help you.
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