Welcome to my latest Notes From A Coach – an update about recent encounters and how my coaching business is doing. Food for thought and honesty guaranteed!
In this edition I explain the benefits of speaking out loud, rant about self-help books, give some actual recommendations, and discuss context switching.
Speaking Out Loud is Healthy For You
Ever struggled with thoughts bouncing around inside your head?Here’s a hack for you: speak the same thoughts and see what happens. It’s likely to be something different.
When you speak words out loudit activates different thought pathways in the brain, breaking the pattern (otherwise known as loops), and may well lead to a solution. This is because some of the sound goes through your ears. It means you are treating it as if it is coming from a different source – not your inner voice – and therefore applying a different sort of logic.
It’s part of the reason why, when you chat with a support line, quite often you discover that your problem has mysteriously disappeared, because your brain is thinking about the problem differently. In fact it may have already come up with a solution by predicting what Support will ask you, which is why you already have the answer by the time they finally respond.
But this is only the beginning of the journey.If you have a problem and give what you think is the answer, that might only be the most obvious/visible part. Possibly it’s just the tip of the iceberg. Once you have cleared that out of the way, then you can see more aspects of the problem which also need to be addressed – it’s just that were hidden previously.
It’s why many challenges aren’t as easy to address as they first appear, and why pausing and reassessing situations is so important. It might even be that you could never have seen the complete answer from the original position you were in.
For me, it’s a bit like clearing a garden. First you have to deal with weeds and foliage, or remove some twigs and unwanted growth. Only then do you start to see the original pattern or garden layout. Once you’ve done that, you can then decide if the way the garden looks is still appropriate for who you are now.
Want to speak out loud with a special kind of super-powered reflective mirror? I know just the person…
Choosing the Right Kind of Self-Help Book
Credit: https://www.instagram.com/littleporpoise/
It’s not just speaking aloud that can be helpful. Books can also open up new pathways in the brain. I was recently listening to one self-help book and it just made me want to scream. Personally I think it might have been “worst in class” and, for me, it was triggering for all the wrong reasons.
This particular book had sold millions of copies, so what was wrong with it? It was written from a neurotypical perspective. It was full of toxic positive language, such as “you cando this”, and “if you justfollow this method you will” without any nuance, and no space for situation-specific adjustments. If it wasn’t for the urge to scream perhaps I would have cried.
The author’s lack of contextual awarenesswas staggering. It was written from a position of privilege where money was no realistic object. There wasn’t any awareness of the challenges that we face on a day-to-day basis. Context is king. Are your children fed? (if you have any). Who’s going to pay for the roof above your head? How’s your energy levels doing? What exactproblem would you like to address first? Oh, and are you in the 20% of people who are neurodivergent, and have radically different thought pattern processes from 80% of the population?Then hey, we will ignore that and make suggestions that could actually harm you! AAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGH!
Sometimes we need help with prioritisation. Self-help books aren’t going to help you keep focus, make you accountable, or remove other problems that are in fact blocking you. They sell dreams, but reality is more gritty. If it were possible to solve all our problems via self-help books then there wouldn’t be so many of them on the shelves!
Speaking of self-help, somehow a pervasive myth has arisen in Western society that we can do it all. We can’t, and it’s neverbeen true.
You want bread on your plate? Who’s grown and watered the wheat, milled the flour, found the yeast culture, and baked the bread? If you have time and skills, perhaps you can do some of these, but not all. And this is true for all aspects of modern life, ever since we became farmers around 10,000 years ago. The phrase “it takes a village to raise a child” is as relevant today as it has even been.
Actual Book Recommendations
Someone recently asked me what ADHD book I would recommend, and I had an epiphany. To borrow a friend’s favourite phrase: “it depends” (credit: Marie van Roekel when designing Salesforce solutions). What’s your reading style and ability? Do you like lots of theory, or are you more of a pop culture sort of person? Do you learn best by allegory (stories) or would you prefer straight-up facts? And where are youin life? How much do you already know, to avoid repetition?
Currently I’m listening to How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain by Lisa Feldman Barrett which is rather more interesting and fact-based than the last self-help book I had the misfortune to pick up – although reading the back of the book it also seems to promise the answer to everything! Thankfully the author is more honest about the level of current scientific research than the publicist.
With all that said, don’t be afraid to explore. Not every book will be a success, but most will. By reading/listening, it will help train your instinctson what style of material works best for you. Just remember to bring your pinch of salt, set time aside for followup work, and manage your expectations accordingly.
A Context Switch: Business Update
Now for something completely different…
Credit: https://eisforerin.com/2015/08/10/tendril-theory/
When I originally had the idea of being a coach I thought it would be easy to run my existing Salesforce consultancy business alongside gently picking up coaching clients.
I’ve found that this isn’t true. The challenge? Context switching.
We context switch all the time. Even if we time block – reserve our diary for a specific activity – we might go from researching to writing up our notes, or having an epiphany about a different system. And then the phone goes, the postman arrives or our body politely indicates that a bit of sustenance wouldn’t go amiss.
The human brain is quite amazing and can take this all in its stride. What I didn’t realise was that the scope and familiarity of the contextis important, just like when reading a self-help book!
Basically, if the contexts are very different, this takes alot more energy. It’s actually like computer RAM. So if I’m thinking about Salesforce and I want a cup of tea, my brain always has a bit of capacity reserved for a cup of tea, so it’s no effort. If I want to swap from Salesforce to coaching, however, then my brain has to jettison a lot of data, store it somewhere else, pop to the filing cabinet and dig up the notes on what the heck coaching is. There’s some crossover, but not a lot!
This big hit each time I change tasks has surprised me, but it has also allowed me to look at my brain anew with greater respect. Now that I’ve worked out the reason I find it so mentally draining to switch between Salesforce and coaching, I can also implement strategiessuch as setting time aside for Salesforce work rather than dipping in and out of it during the day which I tried to do.
Full disclosure: I actually likecontext switching. I have ADHD and novelty is what it’s all about, but I have to recognise the trade-offs too and work on strategies to get the balance right, between context switching just enough, just often enough without it being too disruptive.
Thankfully I still find time when the two worlds coincide, such as giving my recent London’s Calling talk about mental health or coaching clients from the tech sector. Speaking of which, please don’t hesitate to reach out for a free chat if you are interested in finding out more about coaching!
I write about neurodivergency matters, with a dash of inclusivity and tech. Subscribe directly to avoid missing out; you can have a nose through my back catalogue. Want even more? You can also follow me on Bluesky and/or LinkedIn.