In this edition, I’ll explain why working on the right mindset is so important, as well as joy and self-rejection. There’s a business update for the curious and also a link to my London’s Calling talk from earlier this year, which is now available to all.
Coaching Insights: The Right Mindset
When I start a coaching session, one of my first requests is “Tell me something positive from the week”. Why?
Asking to focus on a recent positive time helps ensure that the client is in the right mood. It literally opens up new pathways in the brain. Often I’m talking to them during the working day, when they might have just been focused on a business challenge. I want them to take a step back and consider the wider picture, to bring all their senses to whatever topic we will be discussing, rather than being tightly focused on a specific logistical issue.
We need to activate the whole brain, and problems are easier when we are in a good mood. The easy counter-example is that when we’re in a bad mood, nothing seems to work. Ever spotted a useful opportunity when you’ve been in a bad mood? Me, neither.
It’s about understanding and working with our body. Sometimes it needs reminders of good memories. Treats that feed the soul. We all need quality nourishment, and not just calories.
With that in mind, my opening photo is from a Summer trip to Arthur’s Seat in Edinburgh, on a lovely sunny day. During the trip I met an American who, aged 50, was abroad for the first time and embracing life – proving that there’s always time for new adventures and experiences.
Business Update: Heading in the Right Direction
Speaking of positives, recently I crossed over the 100 coaching hours threshold. This is a massive milestone and means I can apply for ICF’s Associate Certified Coach (ACC) status, a bit like an ADM201 Salesforce Certified Administrator (possibly showing my age) – but more rigorous. There will also be an ethics exam to confirm that I’ve understood the obligations I have signed up to, and one of my coaching sessions will be formally reviewed.
This is no tick box exercise. I’ve already failed one review as my client said “Is it ok if I get a glass of water?” and I said, “Yes, of course that’s fine”. Instant fail. The client is always in charge of coaching sessions. Clients need to know that it is truly a safe spacefor them to explore, and if they feel they have to seek permission, even casually, then I am not creating the right environment.
The correct approach would have been to let the client know it was purely their choice and emphasise that they are responsible for their own decisions. Now I am better at articulating that spirit, I’ve seen clients come to understand that they are the ones ultimately in control of their lives, even if they are fine-tuning some of their tools, and still, inevitably, working through direction and strategy.
Back to the ACC exam which I’m hoping to pass within the next couple of months: I’ve not done it before, so I genuinely don’t know the studying, scheduling and review timelines. My fees will be rising as soon as I have that feather in my cap – got to pay for my training, exams, supervision and trips to Edinburgh and beyond somehow!
If you want to be sneaky and get my current priceslocked in, but actually have an ICF ACC-accredited ADHD Life Coach, then book an intro call with me this month and I’ll keep to my current rates for you for the next 9 months. And we won’t start until I’m ACC accredited, but I’m pretty confident on that one 🙂 You will also get more choice in terms of coaching slots – the sooner you book the greater the likelihood of a slot that really works well for your schedule. When I started coaching I offered one evening a week for instance – in hindsight I shouldn’t have been surprised that those slots were the first to go. I’m now at 85% capacity – diary slots are finite!
Self-Rejection
Sometimes a “thing” feels just right. I’m loving my two truths and a lie series, which I post to LinkedIn and BlueSky on a Monday. It allows me space to share personal experience as well as a smattering of ADHD education in a style that I am comfortable with, and which doesn’t take weeks of research and thought processing.
One post recently gave me an opportunity to dip my toe into a topic: Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD). I hadn’t been comfortable speaking about it publicly, but I didn’t realise this until I made that post. I broke through an unseen barrier, describing it as a “we” thing. RSD definitely includes myself. For many years I had the experience, but not a name. As is typical for many brain things, once I could articulate it, then I could then work with it.
I got a lot of feedback about the post and some lovely personal messages. Ironically, speakingabout RSD produced the opposite result – inclusion and community.
Two tips if you do suffer from RSD:
- Compassionately thank the thoughts, tell them we have considered their opinion, so they’ve done their job of tryingto protect you – overachieving let’s say – and they can go away!
- Also check the thoughts and messages that were sent over. Ask yourself, “Are these really true?”. Is your friend/colleague that you worked with for the last mumble many years and months, suddenly going to drop you because you forgot to say “thank you”, for instance?
Joy
Finally, a tip, with permission, from my local ADHD support group. Ever heard of the Joy of Missing Out? JOMO rather than FOMO. So instead of writing more, I’ll give you af few minutes back, for other things. This applies equally for conferences, events and parties that you can’t attend, regardless of reason – we can’t do everything, and our body also appreciates time to breathe too.
That said, if you did miss out, and you really regret it, you can now catch my London’s Calling 2025 talk online. Roger Farrow and I talk about perfectionism, masking and other workplace mental health challenges. We also speak a bit about Gifted and how this fits in.
I write about neurodivergency matters, with a dash of inclusivity and tech. Subscribe directly to avoid missing out; you can have a nose through my back catalogue. Want even more? You can also follow me on Bluesky and/or LinkedIn.